The Disquieted Mind

(Otherwise known as the pent-up words and videos of the last few weeks post brought on by a bout of insomnia, joining Pinterest, and reading too much of this blog.)

First, a warning about the blog I've been reading too much of. I recommend everyone read it. It may very well change your life. I believe it has changed mine. That said, it is not (hopefully *yet*) a happily-ever-after story. It is about a family in California whose 7-month-old baby is dying of liver failure. I've read the entire blog over the past two days and I almost feel like I've been reading a heart-tugging fictional story that ends leaving you hanging. 

Except this is real life, and this tiny baby's life is hanging in the balance. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. So, with fair warning, I suggest you read it. Why? To see eternal truths prevail in the face of adversity, to read of a normal family whose lives have been catapulted into the strange because of a one-in-a-million-odd disease who still make (not find!) the time to take their three-year-old out for ice cream, and to have your heart touched forever by Ruby Jane.

It's ok. I don't mind if you link over. This will still be waiting here when you get back.

And now I'll give you some time to compose yourself if you did link over because I'm switching some serious gears (don't worry, I totally lost it while in the computer lab at work today where all the teachers are required to be. Two other teachers checked on me to make sure I was ok because my heart was so touched by this terrible and beautiful tragedy).

Now, back to my continued adventures in Korea!

Hear in the Village there are a couple places we frequent. One much more so than the other. The below videos feature Castel Nuevo (known to the teachers as Pizza Pasta). The woman who runs the store is really nice, and now recognizes Adam as a regular. Plus, the food is really good! If you read Adam's blog you also know that the prices are pretty nice, especially for teachers (who get a discount-woohoo!).

The next is the closest thing to "fast food" we have here. It's called Meister (belying the German roots of the Hamburger). We go here significantly less often.

Next, on to a little something I've been working up the courage to get over, but just can't seem to (kind of like the shower curtain thing). My first experience with a Korean bathroom at the airport was pretty cool. There was this handy button that wrapped plastic around the toilet, making sure it was a sanitary seat at the beginning of each individual. 

Nothing too fancy beyond that. Flush and go (or rather "go" then flush and THEN go...)! The toilet in our apartment was also "normal" by all regards--it even came with an elongated bowl (yes Daddy, I thought of you). It's a little close to the wall (read: my butt is too big for me to sit on it normally, I have to sort of do a 1/4 side saddle, but that's no biggie), but again it's just like at home. 

Then came my first experience with a toilet in the cafeteria. 

Here is where my confidence wavered. I walked into the stall and along the entire left side of the toilet is an electronic panel of buttons (all labeled in Korean). No matter what I tried I couldn't figure out how to flush the thing to save my life (thank goodness I had the sense not to pee in a toilet I couldn't flush!)...so I duck-walked back home. 

The next try was using one of the bathrooms in one of the buildings where we hold class. I was relieved when I saw that their was no fancy panel of buttons (sidenote: I learned those are just "luxury" options and that the lid to the toilet was hiding the standard flushing mechanism common among public toilets). The sign on the door read "Please put toilet paper to garbage, not to toilet." Fair enough, even if it does make the stalls remind me of the smell of our camp trailer after a long weekend on the mountain...

Glad to have conquered the actual toilet part of going to the bathroom I walked out to triumphantly wash my hands only to find there was no soap. Then my observant eyes fell upon a slimy teal-colored mass congealed in what appeared to be a soap dish. I may have audibly whimpered. Don't believe me? Here's proof!

Public bar soap? REALLY? Ick. It still grosses me out. 

Not only that, but after the encounter with the soap (which kind of mushes because of the humidity and constantly being wet from use so it never really feels like it rinses off, and I feel like my hands are coated in other people's germs) I turned to find an air dryer. Pretty sure I thought, You have GOT to be kidding me! After about 3 minutes of vigorous rubbing under the hot air my hands were still wringing wet. So I walked away. Consequently, I've since determined that the Cafeteria bathrooms have the best hand soap (not the mushy green stuff, it's legit Oil of Olay Creme bar) AND they have paper towels.

Amidst all the blog reading, eating, and post-eating functions of the day I have actually been teaching, too (I know, I know, where do I find the time?)! The majority of the Village is occupied with an extended holiday program called VIP (Vacation Intensive Program). Adam and I were temporarily reassigned to "Special Programs" instead of being involved in VIP. 

This means we get to work with International students, teach a different variety of lessons, and we don't have specific content areas (we are science, film, cooking, and language teachers). That said, it's been a lot of fun! For the first week I worked with a program that combined Korean, Japanese, and Russian middle school-aged students. We had heard horror stories about the previous Russian students, so I was a tad trepidatious, but it was no big deal. The Korean and Japanese students were only here for one week, but the Russians stayed for a second week. 

Originally I was not scheduled to be with them, but luck prevailed and I was reassigned to stick with them. They were so much fun! I got to know their personalities and had some good laughs. I was shocked at their eagerness to play Twister during "Action Time" (basically a period where we just play games and let them take a break from English study). This is a series of clips I took while we played a game one night.

Their last day they even prepared a song and gifts for us. I really did almost feel like crying. It was so sad to see them go! But this week it was on to Elementary and Middle School students. 

This group was a lot more diverse from most we teach in One Week Programs (OWP--this school seriously has enough acronyms to rival the Church!). Typically we get groups from entire schools. This week (and next) our students, the majority of them, don't know each other. Their parents all work for Industrial Bank of Korea, and the bank sends the kids here. 

It's fun, but can prove difficult with activities that require groups or for students to put themselves on any kind of perceived limb (like "Dance Party"). This week the kids did great. I was honestly shocked at how quickly they gelled. Hopefully next week goes well, too!

And lastly...I have an overwhelming desire to do some nesting here. We have a whole lot of white walls and it's driving me nuts! Tonight I bought a rug and some vinyl clings. I have some ideas about paint and accent pieces. Pinterest browsing is not helping me narrow down what I want to do.

Oh (I know I said lastly, but I'm allowed to change my mind)--shout out to my middle-aged parents who figured out how to Skype using Daddy's new iPhone4. I *LOVED* seeing them and talking to them. Family really is where it's at.

Drippings

It seems that the drippings of things are where all the really good-tasting, bad-for-you parts reside. And since everything here is dripping these days, I guess it's all pretty much good stuff.

Some videos to illustrate the past few days...

Video 1: The Rain

After a week of dry skies we thought we were clear of the bad weather. Apparently we were sorely mistaken. We were assigned dinner duty the other night (our job to usher the students down to their hotels rather than let them wander the village, as you see two boys doing near the end--so don't mind me yelling at the very end...)

Video 2: MORE RAIN

At first the rain was all pretty and neat. Then it became the bane of our existance. Adam suffered the loss of a third umbrella in so many weeks thanks to the stiff winds that drove the rain in sheets and utterly soaked everything. You know the part of "Forrest Gump" where he says that the rain comes from all directions, even up? That's how I felt yesterday. In spite of a rain jacket and umbrella I was still wet (I'm sure you can imagine that poor Adam was soaked through and through). Here is more footage of the waterfall stairs and pooling of the rain (the area where this was shot is now dried out).

Blessed Assurance

ADVISORY: This post is regarding faith and religion. If it is something you choose not to share, go ahead and scroll to the next post. If you're curious, give it a paragraph or two. But for all of those of you who know me even a little, this is what makes me who I am.

The rendition of "Blessed Assurance" that Gladys Knight did is the one that's rolling through my head. I've always thought that on some inner level I am a soul sister just waiting to get out. And while I can't belt like Gladys can, I can reiterate the words that she sings so well.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,

visions of rapture now burst on my sight;

angels descending bring from above

echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

This is my story, this is my song,

praising my Savior all the day long;

this is my story, this is my song,

praising my Savior all the day long.

After our adventure on Saturday we went back to the church on Sunday. Pretty sure the Adversary was trying to keep us away, as torrential rain unlike what we had seen up to that point suddenly fell from a sky that had been dry for six days. We would not be deterred. It rained so hard it started seeping through our umbrellas. The water splashing up from the ground soaked our legs. But the bus eventually came. And I swear to you as soon as it did the rain began to lessen until, by the time we reached our stop, it had ceased.

It turns out the gate we found is the back one, and we can access the church directly from the roundabout where our bus stops. We tentatively stepped in and were instantly welcomed. A woman, who only told me her English name, Julie, greeted us in remarkable English. She told us each where to go, and interpreted Relief Society for me (which she kept calling Social Society--a truer translation, IMO). At the end I asked where she learned her English, and she told me she learned it from the missionaries.

Sunday School was interpreted for us by an Elder who was just transferred in, Elder Pak Woo Jon. I don't know that I've ever concentrated so hard on anything as I tried to follow our lesson on the importance of Priesthood Authority and discernment between false and true witnesses.

During Sacrament Meeting a young man, his English name is Jeff, translated for us. His father is in the Bishopric, and he spent 10 months as an exchange student at Ohio State. He's currently trying to get in to BYU.

Between each of the meetings, and before and after Church nearly every member of the ward came to introduce themselves or say hello to us. We were something of a spectacle. They were all so polite and welcoming and kind. We received several offers for rides to and from church. Jeff's mother extended an open invitation to her home if we ever wanted to "get away" from the Village. And he offered his assistance when we go to get a phone. So many people, so willing to help. It was overwhelming. 

And the quiet familiarity and presence of the Spirit was remarkable. That in Relief Society they sing an opening hymn and a practice hymn and sisters share in testimony with one another. In Sacrament that the bread and water are blessed and passed by worthy young men wearing white shirts and ties. That youth speakers race through their three minute talks in under one, and that closing Priesthood speakers get to "fill" the remainder of the time. The squirming children who are so captivating and given little "treats" to keep quiet. Even so far away it is so familiar.

It feels so much like home.

I keep getting messages from friends and family saying they are praying for us, that they love and miss us. Those prayers are answered, they are felt, and we are overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation for the tender mercies of the Lord.

 

An Experiment...

Adam and I decided to venture out on our own today. After two weeks of research we thought we'd finally discover where we were supposed to go to church. The following videos document our adventures today...

Video 1: Johnny Rocket's (a place you can find in the states that has legitimate "American" fare even in Korea)

Video 2: Our attempts to figure out mass transit from Paju to Geumchon

Video 3: After a few streets too far, and turning prematurely Adam spied the spire in the distance.

Video 4: Our new near-by market offers grocery delivery...

I'll work on retro-posting the other videos I have taken thus far (for those of you in the know they are already on my Facebook cause they take about 10 times longer to get them on here).

The Beginning

This first week has been rather intense; a veritable whirlwind of activity. The school runs unlike anything I have ever seen before. There are 4-5 basic "content areas" where we focus on different target language. Rarely does a teacher see the same class multiple times in a day, and unless they are a homeroom group, more than twice during a week.

The students like to laugh at my attempts to speak their names. Needless to say, my Korean is wanting. They are (almost) all in love with a pop artist/group called Beast. I've heard the song "Fiction" many times already. They are also fascinated that I am married, and get really excited when they figure out that Adam is my husband. The other day a class went nuts, then one of the students quickly explained to the other teacher, who is a native Korean, that earlier the class had met Adam and he had said his wife was very beautiful (enter me at the end of the day with only mascara on and my hair attacked by rain and humidity...I think they thought he was lying, but it was still a nice compliment to receive).

They really are typical teenagers: obsessed with celebrity icons and social trends, the girls are boy crazy, and the boys are clueless. Today some girls in one of my classes showed me eye glue. It is applied using a toothpick and glues the lower part of the top lid (where the eyelashes are) to the upper top lid to make the eyes stay open wider. They explained that it is very popular in Korea to want bigger eyes, whiter skin, blonde hair, and noses with shape (not flat). One girl held her arm out and said, "We are yellow." I placed mine next to her's and there wasn't much difference, at least not that I could see.

We also went on a second shopping trip yesterday. The first one took three hours and was completely overwhelming. This time we went to a slightly smaller and and somewhat closer store called E-mart. Rather than sprawling and large, they build up (but they are still not small, mind you). The main floor had electronics, clothing, and some home organizing things, as well as the photo booth. The top floor had a veterinarian and hair salon. The bottom floor had the groceries, toiletries, bath/kitchen, and cleaning supplies. It took us just over an hour and felt much more manageable. We were also excited to see a new, smaller grocery story (one level) opened just down the street called S-mart. Hopefully we'll be able to do most of our shopping there.

The items that most excited me on our recent venture: Shower curtain and rod! In Korean it is common practice to have a "wet bathroom." The shower and tub are open to the rest of the room, and one wears stiff shower slippers in the bathroom to keep from falling. I just couldn't cope, so we westernized and today I was blissfully happy to step out of the shower onto a mostly-dry floor (humidity still makes it damp). A toaster! Now we can do more than eat cold cereal in the mornings :) And...a wireless router! Poor Adam was exhausted last night and I wouldn't let him rest until we had the thing installed. But all the directions are in Korean and we never got it worked out. Perhaps tonight...

I'm still on the hunt for a shoe rack (our carpet in the bedroom is industrial, really-hard-to-clean, felt-like stuff so we take our shoes off at the door), but we'll make do until we get it taken care of. It's beginning to feel more like home, I'm trying to pick up Korean phrases, and I feel a little more comfortable in this very foreign place.

An Introduction

My husband has always wanted to live in an apartment over a shop or store of some kind. Makes sense. We’re people watchers. No, we’re not creepy stalker-types; we’re writers. We just moved into a one bedroom, one-story walk-up. We live above a gift shop. There’s a coffee house two doors down, next to that a little Italian place, across the way a burger café, a little bakery, and not too far down a true English pub. We live on Main Street. Just up from here the bend in the road turns into Market Street. Although I can’t be sure why, as the bend in the road leads to the end of the road, and all the shops are here on Main Street, even the little convenience store.

The door to our building stays open all the time. Except on weekends. Weekends on Main Street is a mad house. But the rest of the time, it just stays open. The door to our apartment is always unlocked. As are all the apartments here in the Village. Seems kind of counter-intuitive with laptops out, all our personal possessions contained in 300 square foot cubes. But when we first arrived the guy who brought us to our apartment simply shrugged and said,

“This is Korea.”

A Good Night's Sleep

The past few days (Adam might argue past seven weeks...I think) it's been difficult to get a good night's sleep. Between the killer heat, lots of stress, and just being restless there haven't been many nights with a sound slumber.

The good news is: WE ARE FINALLY LEAVING FOR KOREA!!! The bad news is: beside having not slept well the past few days my sleep patterns are gonna be tweaked by my work schedule for the next few days before I go. Perhaps this will all work out to for the best and allow me to adjust more quickly to the time in Korea (they are 16 hours ahead of where we are currently).

In other sad news: Because I'm not a reading whiz like my beloved husband I likely will not finish the book series I am in the middle of right now before we go. This has been the source of much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth (not really, I just kind of like the word gnash. Part reminds me of gnosh, which is a word that appears in the series I am reading right now and it made me sad again to think of that).

In OTHER news...there really isn't any other news. I'm pretty much spent on news. Aside from the potentially embarrassing rupture of my pants the other day whilst visiting in-laws in Kanab--yeah, the only good pair of jeans I had up and DIED less than a week before we're leaving--but it resulted in me getting three new pairs of jeans (yes, THREE!) because Old Navy was having a buy two get one free deal. So in all, it was not that terrible. Although, I will miss those jeans.

The Curse

Ever since people found out Adam and I are going to Korea we keep getting the oddest questions. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: "We're moving to South Korea for a year to teach English."

Person: "Both of you are going?"

Me: "Yes."

Now perhaps I am a tad hasty in this assessment, or maybe I expect too much of people. But really? I mean, we just got married four weeks ago. To me this is the kind of question that one should mentally process before asking. "Wow, she said they're going to Korea. I wonder if they'll both go. They just got married. And she did say 'we.' It only makes sense that they'd both go."

It's called a verbal cue and having mental acuity. Just a thought.

The second most popular conversation follows this line:

Person: "How long are you going for?"

Me: "A year."

Person: "Wow. A year's a long time! What do you do when you plan to get back?"

Me: "Finish school then move to wherever Adam gets into grad school and apply for teaching jobs."

Person: "Sounds like a pretty thought-out plan. Unless of course you bring home a little 'Made in Korea' with you, right?" *insert self-congratulatory laughter here along with a knowing nudge or wink.*

Me: "No. There will be none of that." *in serious tone with blank expression and no return of knowing look or nudge*

The first issue I take with this is, why is it now that we are married that it's ok for everyone to comment on our potential reproduction? Second, I know they mean it in good-natured fun, but when people say this I feel like they're trying to curse us with an accidental pregnancy. Like the mother's curse of getting a child that was just like you so you know how rotten you were. It feels like they're telling me, "I hope you are incompetent enough to have sex without protection/your birth control method fails so that you can have a baby you were completely unprepared for emotionally/mentally/financially because it's fun for me to say 'Made in Korea.'" Bottom line: I don't find it funny.

The last thing that most people ask:

Me: "We're going to South Korea for a year to teach English."

Person: "Oh my gosh aren't you scared?!"

What I want to say in response: "Yes. I intentionally do things that strike the fear of God into me so I can be reminded to be humble. I like feeling uncomfortable and that my life is as fragile as a butterfly's wing to be crushed at any moment. Makes me live so every moment counts. You should try it some time."

What I really say: "No. Not at all."

Granted, there is a thing called "healthy fear" that we should all maintain to stay alive; it's part of what keeps us careful, makes us pay attention to what we do, etc. But if I was literally afraid to move to another country, why would I take this job? This hearkens back to a question I had last semester when a professor asked a classroom of education students (translation: people who want to be/are studying to become teachers) what scares them most about teaching and someone put, "I hate being in front of groups of people" and someone else wrote "I'm really shy." WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO BE A TEACHER? I'm all for challenging yourself, facing your fears, and conquering the weaker parts of one's self, but really? The license and the title isn't going to suddenly make groups of people your friends, and you're not going to become magically outgoing. Pick a new profession.

The truth is Adam and I both love traveling, we like languages, and we like experiencing foreign cultures. We're looking forward to Korea. In fact, it can't come soon enough.

Definitely Not

It has seemed, of late, that there is a strange flux of Mormon women who suddenly find their lives blog-worthy upon getting married. Then every detail must be recorded in minute detail because their lives have now begun and are deserving of being preserved in the annals of electronic history forever.

That's definitely not me. First, I've been blogging for over six years. Second, we've been married three weeks and just now am I getting around to posting.

Yes, the wedding was wonderful. Yes, everything went perfectly. Yes, we are happy. Other than that it's just waiting to get to Korea.

I imagine this transition has been much easier on me than Adam. Primarily because we are camping in my parents' basement until we leave, so I am still very much in my comfort zone. Adam is an easy keeper, but I can't believe this has been the best transition for him. We are both hoping to get to Korea as soon as possible so we can really start our life together on our own (sounds wrong--the together/on our own--but it makes sense).

I'm working until we go, and I've been trying to get as many hours as I can. Last week I ended with over 35 (I usually average 20-25), and next week I'm already looking at more than that. I feel part bad leaving Adam home alone all the time, until I realise that's what he's been used to for the last nearly 15 years and is probably perfectly fine with it.

It's funny how it feels like right now we're married with a safety net. We still pay bills and have responsibilities, but the full weight of adulthood is not yet upon us. I have no reservations about doing it with him. He's great. When I want to escalate a situation he remains calm. In the moment it's infuriating, but it's what I need. He's wonderful for balancing me out that way.

In other non-gushy news, I've been fighting with a nasty cold/flu/infection since before school ended. I'm now on a round of antibiotics/steroids that seems to be helping. Last week my tonsils were swollen to the point of restricting my breathing. When they rate the size of tonsils it's done on a four point scale. Mine were a four plus. We're really praying for this treatment to work because I have to be well to go to Korea. So far, things are looking up.

And we are doing our best to look up, too.

My Poor, Unfortunate EARS!

No, I don't hate my ears. I don't think they are ugly or need reshaping, and for the most part they serve me very well. In fact, where I work the clients repeatedly ask me if we have recording devices hidden because I always seem to "know" what they've been talking about, to which I reply, "I hear everything." This is, of course, hyperbole. It's more basic social constructs. When you walk into a room and the group suddenly falls silent, or you see a series of knowing glances, it's pretty obvious they've been talking about you or something they shouldn't. Usually both.

But this week, my poor, poor ears are suffering. Which, in turn, causes me even greater suffering. My body fought long and hard against the spring cold that's been circulating. I was bombarded at work, school, and home. For three weeks I resisted. But then it was just too much. Within days I had gone from stuffy nose, coughing, and sore throat to eyes weeping mucus and a raging ear infection.

So bad, in fact, was my infection that my left eardrum "perforated." The most common question I get was, "Ooooh, didn't that hurt?" The idiotic YES seems a bit rude, thus I prefer, "Oh no, it was like a little french-tickler just snugged up inside my head until I couldn't take the pleasure anymore and my body just had to release the exuberance somehow." In reality, it's mostly annoying up until about three hours before the explosion. Then it is the most unbearable, excruciating pain that pounds through your entire head, down your neck, into your shoulders, it even makes your teeth ache. And there's not a thing you can do to stop it. When the eardrum finally breaks it just feels like a little "pop", then the ear continues to crackle, and fluid seeps out. This may sound like terrible news to those of you who don't routinely experience inner-ear problems. For those of us more familiar it's no big thing. Just a month or two of feeling like you're constantly walking around with an earphone in one side, and then it's right as rain again. However, the perforation of that eardrum did nothing to relieve the suffering in my right eardrum.

When I finally made my poor, college student, insuranceless way to the Doctor (you know, about three days too late) she told me that I was, "really, quite sick" that I had congestion in my sinuses and lungs, I had white stuff on my swollen tonsils, my left eardrum had a nice little hole and was still swollen and red, and that she wouldn't be surprised if my right eardrum perforated as well in spite of the 875mg of Amoxicillan she prescribed me to take twice a day for ten days (anyone else seeing a yeast infection coming? Yeah, that'll be BLISS for the honeymoon night--the same day I finish the Rx). She also recommended OTC Ibuprofen to possibly help with the inflammation. Well, I've had my fourth full day of antibiotics. The cough is drying up (and consequently hurting my chest more), no more goopy eyes, and my sinuses are even drying out. Alas, the ear has remained in a strange state of congestion. There are periods when I can hear more, but by about 5pm every evening it's as though someone has inserted a stopper into my "good ear" (if you can call it that), and I become instantly hard of hearing.

Well, I'm tired of not being able to hear. So I'm trying yet another homeopathic remedy that has been recommended to me by a friend. I say "yet another" because, in case you couldn't tell, I've had my share of ear problems.

One of my earliest childhood memories was throwing a tantrum on the landing of our apartment stairs while my dad was babysitting because my mom wasn't home and I just wanted her to fix my ear. I remember the pain was excruciating. I even knew that my kicking the wall was irrational. I just didn't know what else to do because it hurt so bad. I honestly don't recall my dad trying to stop me, and it was probably because he felt helpless.

An ENT (Ear Nose and Throat specialist) in Cincinnati told me, "Let's face it. You're a girl with ear problems. You've always had them and you always will. Your eustachian (pronounced ess-station) tubes don't drain correctly, and as a result you get ear infections." When I asked if there were any preventative measures he grimly shook his head "no." As a result of my many ear ailments I have been given a whole slew of home remedies. They range from the simple "put heat on it" to the ultra bizarre. Here is a non-comprehensive (albeit most memorable) list:

- Sleep on the other side so the stuff will drain out of your ear

- Put sweet oil in your ear

- Don't use a heating pad; find a nice smooth, flat rock and boil it. Wrap it in a towel and lay on that (this is from a man named Mark who says that "Doctor's don't know shit.")

- Use your own urine and put a few drops into your ear

- Mix equal parts water with vinegar OR hydrogen peroxide OR rubbing alcohol

- Clean your ears more regularly (despite the warning from any ENT NOT to stick anything into your ear, including cotton swabs, I do clean out my ears)

- Sleep sitting up

And now, the one I am trying tonight (no, I have not tried everything on that list--mainly the sweet oil because I've never located it, and the urine because that just be nasty), put a clove of garlic in your ear overnight to draw the toxins out.

Besides the general annoyance I have some added incentive to get my hearing back in say, oh 6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes because I'M GETTING MARRIED and I want to be able to hear and enjoy every minute of it. Hopefully this garlic works...

Breakdown

Yesterday I had a breakdown. I really wanted to quit life because I seem to suck at it lately.

As we work on getting to Korea the thing that takes the longest is the fingerprint process that is sent to the FBI where they do a background check. It can take up to 12 weeks. We are five weeks in. Three weeks ago I received notice that my payment couldn't be accepted, so I resubmitted it. Yesterday I received a packet saying my fingerprints were not clear enough to be read. The ironic thing about that is when I did my fingerprinting the man did two cards, but in both of them he just did a straight press, not a roll. After leaving I reread my directions to ensure that I had done it right, and it specified that I must have them pressed and rolled. So I went back. That means I submitted THREE cards with my fingerprints on them. THREE!

Adam submitted two, one pressed and one rolled. His cleared just fine.

We can't continue the process until the fingerprint results come back, so we're waiting again. I keep reciting the serenity prayer (God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference). I know I can't control this. I know worrying and stressing about it will only cause me unnecessary anxiety. For those of you not yet familiar with my personality I'm a planner, I like to be organized and able to move through the paces of things. Despite my inability to successfully compute mathematical equations I am very much a formula, process girl. Maybe I'm more scientific theory. I become frustrated (yes, you will realise this happens a lot because it's not true to life) when I plug in all the things I'm supposed to do and don't yield my desired result in the prescribed amount of time. I know, I should be grateful it only took five weeks for them to tell me instead of the full twelve.

Should, should, should. We tell our clients that it's not healthy to "should" all over yourself. Yeah, I'm totally guilty of that right now. Sitting in a steaming pile of should. 

Or jelly beans (for those of you have seen "Hop" which Adam and I did last night, and we liked it).

What He Really Said Was...

Ok, so I couldn't find the paper Adam read from to ask me to marry him, but after FINALLY cleaning my room I have discovered the precious paper!

You may not really care as much as I do, but it's sweet and I'm sharing.

He dug, for what seemed like eternity, in his pocket to pull this paper (now securely taped into my journal) out. His hands were shaking, and it was so cute!

(Also, to avoid any accusations of plagiarism, this is a slightly modified version of something Spike says to Buffy in Season 7 during the episode "Touched.")

"I've been alive a bit longer than you, I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't always have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong calls. Almost thirty-four years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. Hey, look at me. When I say "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Chelsea."

Yup, sure did cry. Cried when he read it to me, cried when I shared it with my mom, cried when I reread it putting it in my journal today, and cried typing it here again. To say I'm "touched" might be an understatement. I am completely in lesbians with this man (that was a Scott Pilgrim joke, for those of you not in the know).

A Thousand Words

That's what they say a picture's worth. I think they're underestimating my verbose nature. I'm considering doing a word count on this by the end. No, it's not a self-challenge to write long, I just know myself.

On Wednesday Adam and I met up with our photographer for our engagement photos. We decided to go with Ashwood Photography because the photographer is my former college roommate, Sherrie Heywood. The way we actually came about this was rather fortuitous. You see, ever since Sherrie and I discovered we both lived in Cedar City we say we need to get together for lunch. We finally did it the first time in December 2009 after saying we should for about six months. Ever since then we'd been saying we needed to do it again. This didn't happen until January of this year. While we were at lunch Sherrie and I were talking about what's been going on in our lives and she asked about being the photographer for our wedding.


I was a little concerned about working with a friend in a professional relationship, but I also knew Sherrie's personality, I was impressed with her work, and I wanted to help her get her photography business off the ground. I discussed it with Adam (can you guess what he said?) and my mom. We decided to make it official, so we told her we'd do it. In February Adam and I met with Sherrie and picked paper, discussed layout options, went over photography packages, etc. and we scheduled our engagements. Looking back it feels like FOREVER ago!


Anyhow, last week the date was closing in on us and so was the weather :/ So I began a campaign to all known Deities responsible for weather to clear their calendars for March 23 because it was MINE and I needed good weather. I am proud to say that prayer still works. In a rash of spring storms Wednesday was the only clear day all week, bookended by gusting winds, rain, snow, and general freakishly cold nastiness. Not only was Wednesday clear, it was beautiful.


I won't lie; I spent an obscene amount of time on my make-up and hair. I think it took me 10 minutes just to get my eye liner the way I wanted. I also took two hours the night before to pick what I was going to wear, only to grab something out of my mom's closet last minute the day of. The choosing of what to wear changed drastically from what I always imagined I wanted. I've been of the opinion that a wedding is a formal event. It's a big deal and people should dress up for it. Thus I had foresworn I would not wear jeans in my pictures, nor would my future-fiancée.


For a lot of things associated with the wedding Adam says he doesn't care (what he actually said is that in Spanish they have two ways of saying "I don't care." One means that the person literally does not care. The other is close to "it's all the same to me." He explained that it's not that it doesn't matter to him, but for the most part he just doesn't have an opinion on the things I ask him about. Fair enough.). On this, however, he dug his heels in. Our announcements and the pictures with them should represent us, as we are. We don't dress like that on a daily basis; therefore, no dress clothes. I wasn't ready to listen and steamrolled him up until Tuesday night when he stood up for himself, I realised he was right, and I conceded the point. Yup. We wore jeans (not that you can tell from the way Sherrie framed the pictures!).


We started out at Braun Books (a lovely used book store where we went on our first date for a reading) before heading down to St. George where the weather was absolutely gorgeous. All told we were taking pictures or traveling to take pictures from 1pm til 6:30pm. It was a long time, but it was a lot of fun.


Can I just say that I'm THRILLED we picked Sherrie? She made the day so much fun! She would laugh with us, say things to make us laugh, and just snapped away through it all. She even braved her fear of heights to attempt a shot she really wanted to try (she mocked us when she found out Adam and I both have fears of heights because we had made fun of her for being so cowardly). I think the fact that we know each other made the real difference in our pictures because she was able to capture more than good poses, she caught our personalities.


She posted the proofs for us Friday (can we say quick turn around?), and of the 45 pictures she put up I can honestly say there isn't a bad one in the bunch (of course, it's 45 of hundreds, but it's still a good selection). Of course there are some I like more than others, but that will always be the case. If you want to check out a sampling of our photos follow the link provided, click "Galleries" then click on our picture (we're the far right!).
I know I'm pathetic for doing so, but I fully admit I have gone to that gallery at least ten times since noon Friday. I just watch the slideshow again and again and again and again. Sometimes I stop it to get a really good look at a picture, and then I start it up again. Narcissistic much? Perhaps. But she made us look goooooood.


Long story short: not only are the pictures wonderful, it was a fabulous experience.
Oh, and Adam was an excellent sport. He didn't complain once :)


(Not including this part there are 970 words. Pretty durned close!)

Here's the Story

About a month and a half ago Adam and I realised that his birthday would fall on my Spring Break. Our conclusion? VACATION! Where? None other than the city known as sin, Vegas! We weren't planning a prenuptial tryst (as we had been loving accused), Adam is actually writing a story and needed to do some research on the Stratosphere's tower. We ended up staying at the Stratosphere (hey, at just over $30 a night it was a great deal, in spite of being on the scarier part of The Strip).

Monday we arrived well before the 3pm check-in time, so we grabbed a bite to eat on Maryland Blvd at the Burger King. To give you an idea of the type of neighborhood it was, in order to use the bathroom you had to ask the manager to let you in (no, they didn't give you the key), there was no mirror, and I used TWO toilet seat covers just for an added measure of safety. After that we went to the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay where we saw some GREAT creatures (least favorite: Golden Crocodile--it just looked sickly! most favorite: Giant Blue-Lipped fish!--it was shy and had the coolest designs on its face!). We also people watched and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We even videoed some unsuspecting women as they hesitatingly tried to touch the rays. We also laughed at the people who were afraid to walk over the glass bottom floor to the exit. As in, we spent 20 minutes just waiting and watching and laughing. Oh, we laughed :)

We eventually checked in, only to discover that our "resort fee" did not cover internet access, so we relied on the age-old phone book to locate some of the places we wanted to see. This was after we were verbally accosted by the gift committee who, unfortunately, could not help us because we were not married and did not have the same address. The used book store was closed, but we found a shop called "Peru Post." A new little shipping store that also carried some special Peruvian items...including Adam's favorite drink, Inca Cola!  We also happened across a clothing exchange store, and made a quick turn through Barnes and Nobel. Lots of fun stuff there, but nothing for us. And dinner ended up at Chipotle.

Tuesday was Adam's birthday--happy 34th, Sweetheart!--so we started the morning at Roxie's 50's Diner in the Stratosphere. It wasn't bad, and Adam got a Cherry Ice Cream Soda. Yup. For breakfast. Birthdays a great excuses for eating whatever you want at any time of day. We headed back to the used book store and meandered, then went to a comic book shop. I purchased my first voluntary graphic novel, and also bought one of the two Adam was considering for his birthday, then he bought the other one. By then it was time for lunch, so we headed to Chipotle again. We stopped by Target (it's almost kind of a joke--anytime Adam and I go to St. George we go to Target and B&N). And then...it was back to Barnes and Noble (are we creatures of habit or what?!) where we both bought some Young Adult Fiction, and Adam purchased the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo trilogy on DVD.

Following a brief rest in our room we made our way up to the Fremont Street Experience. It was an experience, indeed. We wandered up and down, and back enjoying the people watching most of all. and the periodic person ziplining over our heads.

For dinner Adam wanted to go to a Peruvian restaurant he had been to before, but it had moved and changed it's name. After following my bad directions twice we made it there 20 minutes before they were supposed to close. Fortunately for us they were busy and it wasn't a big deal. We enjoyed some delectable ceviche and Chicha Morada (a sweet drink, purple in color, made from corn). Adam's food wasn't as good as he hoped, but mine was delicious. And the owner, Pablo, was wonderful. We also enjoyed a telenovela while we ate.

Finally, it was time to achieve the business purpose of our visit--the top of the Stratosphere tower. Adam's writing a story and needed specific details to make it real. I had a mini-fit about going up. It's freaking high! and you ride in an elevator :/ But we made it up without incident, and it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. The view really was incredible. I've never understood why the lights of Vegas appear so orangey-yellow. Adam took notes, we wandered around, even braved the outside observation deck, and then settled into one of the cushy sofas they have sitting up there.

After a while Adam said, "So I have another 'Buffy' quote. Do you want to hear it?" This may sound like idle banter, but he used a quote from "Buffy" to ask me on our first date. He pulled out a paper and read it to me (with some minor alterations), then dug into his pocket, dropped down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I cried. Not a lot. Just a little. And I said yes. He handed me the ring in the box. I pulled out the ring and said, "You're supposed to put it on!" So he did. And we just sat there and enjoyed the moment. In fact, we saved the news til morning so we could just enjoy having that between us.

Today was a lovely day. Breakfast at IHOP, then we drove to St. George and spent the afternoon with Adam's sister-in-law (and one of my newest favorite people) Jana before arriving back in Cedar. I part-hated coming home. Because it signifies the end of our vacation, and I hate coming home to a different house than him. But it's also good because I know that the faster these weeks go the sooner we get married and don't have to come home to different houses. So soon. But not soon enough.

All the...STUFF

I am a fairly simple person. I have fairly simple tastes. I don't generally ask for much, but when I do it has a tendency to be kind of "big." With my wedding I don't want "big"--I never have. I want it simple, clean-looking, and fun.

I always thought wedding planning was stressful because of all the stuff people wanted. And when it comes to wedding there is lots of stuff. Flowers, cake, music, place, centerpieces, tablecloths, photographers, dress, people, decorations, book, tables, backdrops, food, favors, gifts, announcements, postage, addresses, fittings, colors, shoes, flatware, rings, moving...and I've only listed the teensiest beginnings of it all. There is also all the stuff surrounding weddings, like registering for gifts. Well to register for things you need to know what you want. In order to know what you want you should also know what you have. And then it's just a craps shoot to see if anyone actually buys or puts money on all the things you now have your heart set on owning.

Not to mention all the additional get-togethers. The bridal showers--having to put together guest lists for that, deciding what dates work, what kind of shower I'd like to have--the wedding brunch/luncheon. Finding a place, selecting who gets to come, and deciding on food for all of that, too.

When I said: no cake, no luncheon, no first dance I thought I was simplifying my life. Now I see why people do these things. Discounting the obvious "because they want to" they do it out of pressure. As soon as you go against the norm and say you want something different people go berzerk. "But you have to!" "It's part of getting married!" "You'll regret it if you don't!" "It's something I always wish I would have done!" "You only get to do this once!" "You should have everything you want!" "Sometimes you have to splurge a little!"

Seriously? Seriously. SERIOUSLY? Yup. Seriously.

I really am beyond thrilled, in fact I spent a while the other night trying to get the right combination of elated euphoric ecstatic blissful wonderous words to describe how I feel about Adam and marrying him, and they just aren't there. But I'm not thrilled because of the flowers or cake or announcements or pictures or centerpieces or backdrops or any of that. I'm thrilled to be joining my life to his, to starting on this new journey together, and I want to enjoy that.

So for now, for now I am sick of the stuff. I just want to be happy (and trust me, I'm pretty ridiculously happy--b had me describe it in a unit of measurement a while back and I believe my response was something to the effect of several thousand million gigatons excited). Kind of the reverse "Bride-zilla" right? I don't want it all, and all just the way I want it. I just want to be left alone.