An Open Letter to the "Polka Dots"

My roommates and I invent words. We have our own unique "register" (set of commonly used words  used by a specific group of people in an uncommon way). A few months ago we went to the Jack Johnson concert where we observed a common social phenomenon. One teenage boy. Three teenage girls. One blanket. Let the entertainment begin.

One girl was clearly more ambitious than the others. She was wearing a blue polka dotted shirt, thus we dubbed her the "polka dot." If the Pink Bible really existed this girl would have been a dedicated scriptorian. She used every tool in her arsenal, she laughed copiously, she laid the flirt on thick, and about every third second she would brush his forearm, or leave her hand lingering on his shoulder.

But she was not alone. One of her friends was willing to play, too. She was a little more mild, but was still putting the moves on. As the sun set the group settled onto the blanket, Polka Dot on the left of Solo Boy, Contender on his right, and two shunned friends on the end of the blanket. Then what happens? Oh, the Polka Dot makes a power play, wedging herself between the Contender and the boy forcing the Contender out of physical contact! Polka Dot owned the Contender.

We were literally clapping and cheering. Then came the twist. Polka Dot is trying to work it, Contender has thrown in the towel, and what does Solo Boy do? He starts talking to the only girl who has shown no interest whatsoever; the one on the far edge of the blanket.

Why? Because he's not interested in Polka Dot or the Contender, and Uninterested Girl is safe.

So Polka Dots, this is for you. LEAVE THE MEN ALONE!

There is something to be said about a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it (trust me, I'm that kind of woman), but there is something to be said for subtlety, finesse, and holding back at times. The thing to say is: DO IT. There is an art and a balance to be struck in pursuit.

Keep the image of the hunter in mind. If you are constantly charging through the forest looking for prey you're not going to find it because it is going to be hiding from you. You need to be out there, part of the action, but it's important to stop, listen, pay attention to what's happening, and adjust your course as necessary.

So Polka Dot, maybe it's time you start using some Camouflage.

The Rant on Hole-y Jeans

On Monday I was leaving campus and passed a fellow student who had just climbed out of a car. No big deal. That happens all the time. Then to my horror I realised that the nightmares of millions were coming true--he had come to school with no pants on! No, no wait. He was wearing pants, but the gargantuan gaping hole that encompassed his entire right thigh and knee misled me.

What is more disconcerting is that I could see his whole hairy thigh. This means one of two things: 1) He was wearing briefs, or 2) He was going commando. Do people seriously still wear briefs? Do they still make briefs? Perhaps I should write a letter...

At any rate, what is with these "jeans"? I realise we are in between seasons and it's hard to know whether to wear shorts or pants, but wearing half-short/half-pant just is not advisable. Not now. Not ever. Who knows, perhaps it was a Halloween costume test.

Just putting that out there.