Breakdown

Yesterday I had a breakdown. I really wanted to quit life because I seem to suck at it lately.

As we work on getting to Korea the thing that takes the longest is the fingerprint process that is sent to the FBI where they do a background check. It can take up to 12 weeks. We are five weeks in. Three weeks ago I received notice that my payment couldn't be accepted, so I resubmitted it. Yesterday I received a packet saying my fingerprints were not clear enough to be read. The ironic thing about that is when I did my fingerprinting the man did two cards, but in both of them he just did a straight press, not a roll. After leaving I reread my directions to ensure that I had done it right, and it specified that I must have them pressed and rolled. So I went back. That means I submitted THREE cards with my fingerprints on them. THREE!

Adam submitted two, one pressed and one rolled. His cleared just fine.

We can't continue the process until the fingerprint results come back, so we're waiting again. I keep reciting the serenity prayer (God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference). I know I can't control this. I know worrying and stressing about it will only cause me unnecessary anxiety. For those of you not yet familiar with my personality I'm a planner, I like to be organized and able to move through the paces of things. Despite my inability to successfully compute mathematical equations I am very much a formula, process girl. Maybe I'm more scientific theory. I become frustrated (yes, you will realise this happens a lot because it's not true to life) when I plug in all the things I'm supposed to do and don't yield my desired result in the prescribed amount of time. I know, I should be grateful it only took five weeks for them to tell me instead of the full twelve.

Should, should, should. We tell our clients that it's not healthy to "should" all over yourself. Yeah, I'm totally guilty of that right now. Sitting in a steaming pile of should. 

Or jelly beans (for those of you have seen "Hop" which Adam and I did last night, and we liked it).

What He Really Said Was...

Ok, so I couldn't find the paper Adam read from to ask me to marry him, but after FINALLY cleaning my room I have discovered the precious paper!

You may not really care as much as I do, but it's sweet and I'm sharing.

He dug, for what seemed like eternity, in his pocket to pull this paper (now securely taped into my journal) out. His hands were shaking, and it was so cute!

(Also, to avoid any accusations of plagiarism, this is a slightly modified version of something Spike says to Buffy in Season 7 during the episode "Touched.")

"I've been alive a bit longer than you, I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't always have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong calls. Almost thirty-four years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. Hey, look at me. When I say "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Chelsea."

Yup, sure did cry. Cried when he read it to me, cried when I shared it with my mom, cried when I reread it putting it in my journal today, and cried typing it here again. To say I'm "touched" might be an understatement. I am completely in lesbians with this man (that was a Scott Pilgrim joke, for those of you not in the know).